Thursday 4 September 2008

Who Gives a Sh*t


The Affiliate Outlaw Guide has been a phenomenal success yet I am still getting bombarded with begging requests from people who can't afford £320 quid or whatever it costs.

Use this code YEAH77 if you are broke here: Affiliate Outlaw Guide and you'll get a 4 month installment (you pay the rest in 4 months and 8 months).

THIS program is your ticket to start earning serious money within 1 month. Ah F*** IT. I don't wanna sound like I need the money, I'll move on...

I am releasing a limited number of places on a course about EXACTLY how I made £50k + in December 07 from FREE XMAS traffic.

If you are on my list you'll get notified of it anyway.

If you are NOT on my FREE article e mail list drop me a mail to affiliate[@] and stop being a numpty around about the time you get the first freebie...

For now, I'm off down the George & Dragon to grab the bar maid's arse...



Thursday 3 July 2008

Deeplinks Twat*ed in the Ass

Listen up candle breath.

Why don't you just do the right thing and leave my page right now. Once we've got that formality out of the way I can focus on the smarties on my affiliate marketing mailing list.

Two things:

1. The 7th July article/ affiliate marketing program call it what you will will be available online to the public on Wednesday this week: Affiliate Outlaw

2. Check this out baby; this is the kind of stuff you love me for: the fu*king NUCLEAR DEEPLINK TOOL FROM HELL...

Ladies and gentlemen how do...




Saturday 28 June 2008

Deeplinks & PPC For Tits Article

Deeplinks & PPC For Tits Article (31st June)

Yo sh*t for brains,

Before I get down to YOUR business, make fu*king sure you are still checking the email address you are signed up to my newsletter list with.

THIS MONDAY the FRE.E PPC article of all articles gets mailed out. (if your not sure about your subscribed email address - send me a mail to affiliate [@] with "free articles please" in the subject line.

The amount of improvement across the board from guys on my list has been staggering. One "Nu" (very promoted) has achieved over 21,000 UV's in only his second month for a product that is so low on competition I almost went at it myself (but that just wouldn't be fair)...

Anyways buckle up and pay fu*king attention.

The >>**free**<< FEED TOOL for creating cross network deeplinks in seconds will be available next week (so Captain Geeko advises me - so it will probably be Christmas). 30 seconds to create an account, 1 minute to add your network i.d.'s, 10 seconds to type in something like "xbox consoles", 1 second to hit "search", half a nano second for 238 deeplinks, with your affiliate id's and click refs embedded, a few days for you to sit there stunned to realise how much >>**TIME**<< this is going to save you. And it's 100% FREE...

Also. If I can be arsed I'll hit the mail list button on Monday and send you the latest article. This is about some fundamental PPC stuff and especially about getting 100% quality score consistently (also what to do if you haven't paid enough attention and get slapped).

Anyway - thats mailed out from Monday. If you are not on my list (i.e. you have not sent me a mail to affiliate [@] saying in no more than one word why you love me) please fu*king leave it that way. I'm too busy being annoyed by the current lot...

You love me!


Sunday 20 April 2008

Slaying The F****** Google Dragon

Dear Numpty,

I'm sending out a "stocking-filler" article on St George's day about how I select products and keywords. It's numpty-proof.

If you're not on the mailing list for this free sh*t please leave it that way; don't even bother signing up you'll only create me more work. Anyways if you sign up today you won't get it until the day after St George's day. First come first served I'm afraid...

Love and kisses.


Tuesday 8 April 2008

Affi TV - Coming Soon

F*** me. I forgot I even had this blog. Too busy dealing with the backlog of 8 million emails. Anyhows, the smart cookies on the free article mail list are in for a whopping errection. Affi TV is about to launch. That's right I've bought my own fuc*ing online TV channel so I can deal with all your annoying requests even more efficiently.

No more writing articles, no more feeling like good old Affi let you down 'cos he's not written an article in ages (shag*ing birds and partying more like). Anyways, Affi TV will make a hundred times more of my stuff available in video format.

Stay fuc*ing tuned.

Sir Affi Hopkins

Saturday 19 January 2008

Sh*t For Brains - Read This

Dear Numpty,

Want to know a secret niche that blasts my accounts with cash?

Read on...

Easy Money Tip Of The Day


Sunday 6 January 2008



My **>>FREE<<** article, on free traffic from SEO, goes out in 2 days... This is the biggest SEO article on FREE traffic you will ever read!

If you haven't signed up yet I suggest you DON'T because you must be a bigger IDIOT than I thought you were...


Saturday 5 January 2008


Here are my favourite top 10 (in no specific order other than they're in the top 10) reasons why you love me as mailed in for access to the free articles...

[6]Sexy (obviously a chick)
[7]Straight (thank fu*k)
[9]God (I liked that one)
[10]mindblowing! (new entry)

To receive the 3 killer articles for ZILCH drop me a mail saying, in no more than 1 word, why you love me. (tip: "because" has been done before and has worn thin) e mail to: affiliate [a] bethere .co .uk

Tuesday 1 January 2008


Coming soon to the Affi Blog...

Fu*k it. I can't be arsed. In a nutshell request my 3 free articles. I cover this in depth in article no. 1. learn how I use my "minimum cost PC" strategy on big search volume keywords.

I even stuck a "real time" diagram example in there. Live at the time of writing showing how I made £240 odd quid from £4 something at 2p PC in about 18 seconds.

It's so fu*in easy, it's like having your own Gordon Brown printing you money...

To sign up for the **FREE** articles, find the bit on the homepage that explains how. I can't even fu*kin remember where it is but it's here some fuc*in where...


Dear Numpty,

This website has got fu*k all to do with numpty "info products", "e-books" or good ol' Affi tryin to sell you anything. It is here, it is free and it is about real products, real merchants and real networks such as Affiliate Doubler Trade Window, hic, and all the rest of em...

Many topics I cover here are elaborated on in a number of mind blowing articles. These you can request for free. Have them mailed out to you in sequence to make grasping the detail easier and numpty-proof. The articles include:

SEO the Affi way. This will blow you away and works for any website/niche.

PPC for peanuts that converts very profitably. The way I do this goes totally against what numpties will tell you on forums.

Bedtime Reading - Some really hot sh*t.

To receive these for ZILCH drop me a mail saying, in no more than 1 word, why you love me. (tip: "because" has been done before and has worn thin) e mail to: affiliate [a] bethere .co .uk

Affi New Year

Wishing you a very very Affi New Year Numpties.

Make sure you think about the "are you smarter than a 10 year old" numpty mail I sent out on Xmas day. Especially in context with Valentines day opportunities. Give it a shot. Easy money....

Affi New Year...


This Affiliate Marketing blog is targeted at non Nancy Boy beginners.

If you are a Nancy Boy with negative tendencies please f*ck off now.

Affi... a4u lunatic or genius? You either love him or hate him. Either way I don't give a rats ass.

My posts are straight and honest, simple as that.

I have been asked many times, by PM and email to help people.

This made me realize one thing. Beginners or "newbies" like YOU are working very hard but you are wasting your time. That is, I'm sorry to tell you, the harsh reality.

To add to this you will post on forums like a4u asking:

"Please look at my site and offer feedback"

Now, don't get me wrong. Asking that question on a4u is a no brainer. Of course you should ask it. The guys on there (and even come of the Clancy Nancy Boys) will give you constructive feedback and advice.

Replies may be general, constructive and sound advice about content, title tags, code, navigation, general appearance (normally badly), the niche you are promoting, whatever...

All good and well, but...

What they fail to tell you is that your site is sh*te.

Seriously, newbies exactly like you ask me to look at their sites and I tell them straight. "It's sh*te"

This is by far the biggest occurance.

It's sh*t, but more importantly what are we going to do about it?!

When I say you are wasting your time that is not exactly the case. The one thing from which you will always benefit is the learning process. The learning process of creating your first one or two sh*te sites is the only positive to come out of it. You are learning. The problem is you don't know the secrets or the "tricks", the methods, the niches in which the super affiliates make HUGE killings, day-in-day-out. They Exist. And you are only millimetres away from them without realising it!

I have met, and indeed know a hand full of super affiliates. I am presently working on a project with the Rich Jerk. Now I know at this point some of you are thinking like my 10 year old niece;.. "whatever"... well f*ck off because it's that stupid mentality that I despise. Nancy Boys.

The interesting paradox in all this is that the precise reason RJ was "slightly moved" by my system (any mere mortal is blown into another dimension) is because it is about real products.

Getting back on track...

I know affiliates in the UK who make £10k every day before they get out of bed. In fact I know a man who knows a man who spends £1,000,000 a week on Google Pay Per Click. Don't believe me? I couldn't give a monkeys...

Ok, so you've spent weeks or months creating your pride and joy in the hope of becoming a super affiliate like the mythical characters. But now, Affi has just told you you're site is sh*te... What do we do? I'll come to that later. maybe not today, but for now - this is what you need to understand. How to make money from affiliate marketing

Jesus Takes Up Afiiliate Marketing

Frank Kern (he's the one who looks like Jesus) and Matt Trainer video.

This is a very useful video. Despite being very boring in delivery these 2 guys know their sh**.

The vid may go above some of your heads but if your serious about PPC listen up for the bit about - it's free.

I know guys making £20k a week who do so with pi** easy software like this.

Frank "Jesus" Kern's Video is here:

Have a nice day.



Read this first if you haven't already done so: Why Fail At Affiliate Marketing

1. Your Site Must Not Be Sh*te.

2. You Need To Be Promoting Something In Demand

3. You Need Sh*t Loads Of Traffic

The solutions to those 3 factors are so mind numbingly simple once you know how.

Let's start with point number 3 assuming you have 1 & 2 covered (I'll cover these shortly).

How to flood your website with traffic. Simple.

You either spend some cash (a budget) on PPC, or you optimize the hell out of your site for organic free search engine traffic.

Let's say your site is about guitar strings. What the f*ckin hell are you doing that for? You've spent 2 months developing a site for guitar strings. Ok they may be in demand but (a) too competitive and (b) you get fu*k all per sale.

Wind back the clock. What if you could have spent that 2 months creating website after website for products or services you never dreamed of. All of which start converting to commission from the outset?

Let's say you only spend 3 hours (I spend 45 minutes) on each site, so you can do 2 a day if you want. And they all start converting from the outset.

I never spend more than 3p per click using this method. NEVER. And I am getting as much as £85 per sale, or selling as many as 60 units of another product per day at £1.25 commission per sale. On top of that at times I convert a sale every 6 clicks. You do the math.

Simple. You just don't know how. You don't know the products.

Random Example Of High Level Numptyness: today I was chatting with a major PPC affiliate about the same product we are promoting on PPC.

He is paying 17p per click for the exact same keyword that I am paying 3p for. He is 1 (ONE) position above me. He is 4th I am 5th. So he is paying 14p more than me. The reason is fixable in 1 minute 30 seconds. And he's a major PPC guy.

Let me tell you. These guys make so much money they can't be arsed with a 90 second bit of "work" to make it even more stealth!

Moving on slightly...

If you knew that the Knagamiki MP3 could get you 200 clicks a day at 2p each (£4) but would convert, say at every 20 clicks at £10 commission each sale. Would that £96 return from £4 a day interest you?

If you knew how to get a website on p1 Google for a given "high volume" keyword in less than 7 days (my record is no. 1 - top - in 12 hours) would you not be chuffed and want more and more?

Let me explain. It is easy. You just don't know how.

Ok Affi, big claims, so why don't you just explain here?

Listen up Tonto. Because there is no way on God's earth I would post that here for FREE for the numpty Nancy Boys.

Simple as that. On top of that I re-opened this fu*kin killer blog to help you. Really. I get so many e mails and PM's and I always try to help, I thought "fu*k it". "Write it down and send it out". It will certainly stop most of you annoying me.

You on the other hand may excel above the numpties and sign up to receive the articles for free; as explained in the first section of the homepage.

The Nancy Boys would never dream of signing up to read the articles because they are paranoid about "Affi" they are paranoid about "info products" or "scams" and would rather advocate "don't waste your money", rather "dear Newbie, welcome, you should spend 17 years trying to learn it on the free forums" methods...

I do not give a rats ass if you sign up to my pure quality free articles. But until the Nancy Boys change their way of thinking there is no way I'm gonna give THEM it here for free.

That demonstrates how stupid that line of thinking is. Forget paying $49 for an info product (with a cast iron nailed to your knackers money back guarantee) they won't even sign up to receive something that could open their eyes like a fully inflated parachute FOR FREE!

The fu*king mind boggles. Nah, hang on. Fu*k it, I'll spend 17 years on the forums asking questions...

Good luck...

Affi... [Kerching]


Alright, I'm assuming you're not a Nancy Boy and you can see through all the crap so many struggle with on forums.

Free traffic from SEO is an absolute piece of p*ss. I could get ANY keyword to number 1 in 3 months. Any. White hat 100%. (I focus on ones which take hours).

When I say "any word" of course there are some exceptions. I may struggle and run over the 3 months, maybe up to 3 and a half, to get to number 1 for "Google" or "adobe" but bring on "cheap holidays" and/or "bad credit" any fuc*in day of the week. 3 months maximum.

It's not these "big" keywords we're interested in. No. We're talking stuff that's "massive" and a bit "nichey". And the way I get page 1 or number 1 on Google in days totally goes against common theory. The one thing I obviously did in a bit more depth than everyone else was read the fuc*kin Google small print!

So I get massive keywords to the top like lightning...

The reason you don't know how is because for too long you've believed all the cr*p on the forums that "forums" and other free resources are the easiest way to learn the game.

Well, here's Affi p*ssing on their fire. BOLLOCKS. [kerching]

The reason you don't know how is because no one like me has told you how. Or you have not bought an e book that tells you how. Don't fu*king panic [kerching] I'm not going to charge you for this.

Free traffic (and PPC quality score for that matter - the Google-slap is a load of crap) is all about TEXT, TEXT, TEXT. And more TEXT.

Listen up.

I am numero uno on Google for one of the biggest selling products in history (and it aint wan*y consoles).

At present it is out of stock everywhere but I am collecting 400 plus email addresses per day on my "email notification" system. Four fu*kin hundred a day.

Each sales is worth £13.00.

Now the reason I am numero uno is because of our little friend.

Text. [kerching]

Not PR (it's PR = 1)

Not High [kerching] PR inbound links.

And most definitely not because I update the content every day - that is a good Google SERP killer. Trust me. Change 1 fu*king word at the wrong time and you can plummet 20 places.

It makes me cringe with despair when I read on a forum "make sure you regularly update your content". Jesus wept. These people really have not got a clue what they are talking about and they are telling "newbies" to commit serp suicide.

When you launch a new site you should never launch it until it is complete. The way you blast it up Google is all built-in before you go live other than some pure genius Affi-stuff you do off-site.

To receive the rest of this "my time consuming" article sign up to my article list and receive it along with other stuff I mention on the homepage