Thursday, 13 December 2007
Wishing you all a great Christmas, lots of beer, quality time with friends and family and some good chilled thinking time about a brighter Affiliate Marketing future.
I know most of you are going to be intoxicated down the Red Lion with your eyes transfixed on the barmainds t*ts; enjoy.
That's where I'll be!
F*** the Nancy Boys: the details of the >>>KILLER<<< product that was wide open on Google Paid Ad's has been deposited in your numpty in-box at precisely 00.01 on Christmas Day.
I Love You ALL.
Numpty, if you have signed up to my article list you will have received an update today (13th Dec). In that I explain exactly how this morning I made £34.50 profit from 30 minutes work in about 28 seconds of going live with the Adwords Campaign. Well it's now up to £95 from £1.48 and it's only been live 2 hours... Check your numpty-mail in box.
One thing is baffling me right now. I don't know if you've noticed but this month is Christmas. It comes around once a year and people tend to spend a bit more money than usual online.
What's puzzling me is something I've noticed. Or to be more precise; something I've NOT noticed.
For reasons which will line my bank account with cash rather than yours, I will remain stum on this until after the window of opportunity has passed. But rest assured I WILL point this out very shortly.
Sometimes I stare at the sky and just wonder...
Thursday, 6 December 2007
The longer answer starts something like this:
The methods and strategies are simple once you know how.
You can make good money 2 ways in AM.
 Have deep pockets and blow tens of thousands on PPC before you learn the ropes.
 Gain access to the secrets of instant and highly profitable FREE organic SEO....
The majority of guys I know who earn, lets say, over £20k per week do so primarily from PPC, and believe me, it pains them to spend 1p, even for those returns.
I know smaller players who started spending £20 a week on PPC and grew it to £2000 per day very quickly. Once you know how not to fail at PPC it's just a case of expanding what you're doing.
It's also possible to very quickly build 5p a day commission into £500 a day from free SEO, you just need to know how.
Either way, I'm sorry to tell you, you either spend 17 years learning on the "free forums" or you get a lucky break.
For the attention of any unwelcome Nancy Boy numpties still here, that lucky break may just be in an info product you buy. If it isn't get your money back. There's only one loser I can see in the "info product" quandary. The Nancy Boy.
More coming soon on the Affi Blog....
Wednesday, 5 December 2007
The one thing that really pis*es me off is the Nancy Clancy's who tell the newbies "don't waste your money... there are plenty of free resources like this where you can learn everything you need to know..."
Who TF do they think they are? They probably can't even afford to buy a $39 e book. That's the fu*kin reality of it.
Allow me to explain what's going down here. These Nancy Boys who are "info product phobic" know fu*k all about anything. They get some peverse sense of "authority" from "giving advice" any advice just for the sake of it. They haven't got the faintest idea.
On one hand you have a newbie who is just starting out. He, or she, is fresh. They are keen to get started. Let them fu*kin buy an e book. If they buy it on Click Bank (or most other places for that matter) they get their money back immediately with ZERO questions. That's right. It's a strict condition of the contract between CB and the seller that any requests for refunds are honoured without question. The seller doesn't even have a choice. CB make the refund from a reserve which is held on the sellers account.
Let me be clear about something else. There is a hell of a lot of SH*T on Click Bank. However, here we are talking about AM not fuc*in diet loss programs or "how to win with the ladies" (that's my department). No, we are interested in AM.
So let's say our newbie sees a sales page/letter and thinks "hmmm that seems intersting" and they buy it.
 Something clicks and they've got value for money. (Could be life changing).
 It's sh*t. they claim the refund.
Or, in scenario 2, they take the advice of the Nancy Boys, who don't even earn £20 a month between them, and spend the next 2 years posting and asking stupid fu*king questions all day on forums. Basically they become a Nancy Boy.
The Rich Jerk e book. Last time I looked was around $19 (£10). ANY newbie will learn more in 2 hours from reading it than they would from 2 years on a forum. Fuc*in period.
Day Job Killer. If the tag is below $49 BUY it, 10% of it is worth £25. Period. The other 90% is nothing short of waffle.
Affiliate Rockstar Status: Is sh*t. Period.
Google Snatch - again it's worth spending £30 if the price drops that low, infact nah fu*k it it's actually worth £50.
Now. I recently met a guy on the Warrior Forum (USA) who lives in the UK. He'd written a small e book about his experience. He was trying to sell it for £10. If he had posted that on a4u he would have been crucified. I bought his e book to help him out and show some support. It is worth £200 to any newbie in mho.
So if you are thinking about buying an e book because some sales page has made some promises you are semi-intrigued by. BUY THE FU*KING THING. If it's crap press "refund".
More Coming soon to the Affi Blog...
It is a fu*kin good resource. A minefield of ideas and support waiting to explode into your progression.
There are many half decent guys on there, some of whom, offered me help at the begining when I was bored on the beach with nothing better to do than post on there.
I have made very good friends and continue to do so.
My only gripes about the forum are these:
 The Numpty Nancy Boys.
 Negativity which at times is rife.
My definition of a Nancy Boy: Some half baked tw*t who will burst into negativity (point 2) at the first mention of paying any money for "information".
No, they would rather, very dangerously, advise you to spend the rest of your life getting help on "free resources". Let me explain using a real example.
Some guy posts and says "hey anyone bought 'product y' the new e- book? Is it worth it?"
This is where the fastest of the Nancy Boys will scream at you "no, no, don't do it, where do you live I'll get a taxi no matter what the cost and drive to your house to talk you out of it."
I'm sure you've seen "I'm Alan Partridge" the one where the lunatic fan gets Partridge cornered in his house in a room full of his pictures (some from telephoto lens). And the lunatic has a huge tattoo of good old AP on his back?!
I am fu*kin certain he is one of the Nancy Boys on a4u.
Right. Here's the answer they should give (in short). "If you are half considering buying any info product, look at what it says it will do, does that convey that it is about something (a) you are interested in and (b) something you could do?" They should elaborate... "once you have received the product, if it does not do what it says on the tin, simply use the refund option, which in 90% of cases is instant with no questions asked. It's not fuc*ing rocket science.
Let me briefly cover my All Time A4U Favourite.
Some guy joins the forum and posts something about a "free resource" and "feel free to take a look"....
One of the a4u "experts" (who lost a lot of my previous respect over this) takes a look then posts a reply. In this reply he spots that the guy is actually trying to sell something, in his reply he starts harping on about "spam" and not using the forum to "sell info"... etc blah, fuc*kin blah..
The very NEXT DAY our a4u expert makes a post asking if anyone wants cheap hosting like he's offering a great favour. What's the fu*kin difference? Selling "info", selling "hosting". Please!
More on this soon....
As with regards to "negativity" the answer above will do for now because I'm tryin' to fu*kin retire for the festive season...
Jingle fu*kin bells....
Saturday, 1 December 2007
 It's more challenging helping Numpties than it is making money.
 To stop you annoying me.
What is apparent, when it comes to making PROFIT from xmas traffic, in your emails is that you really haven't got a clue.
Mistake No. 1 - Many of you are bidding on GENERIC Christmas terms like "best christmas toys". On top of this you are spending too much time creating similar keywords/phrases.
YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME and are millimetres away from the real money.
The problem is with big generic christmas keyword lists is POOR quality score. Don't cry to me about "google slap this" and "google slap that" - you are going about it WRONG.
Big generic keyword lists will ALWAYS result in poor QS unless you create a seperate ad for each keyword/phrase.
If you want to bid "generic" (which I wouldn't) just pick a couple of big searched ones and create
 An ad with the term in it.
 A landing page (I've told you a million times how to do this in minutes) loaded with the keyword and some HAND CRAFTED image/links to John Lewis, Woolworths, Play.com, HMV, Toys R Us etc. Not forgetting Amazon!!! Amazon is the best place to land Christmas traffic. Why? Because Amazon is LIGHT YEARS ahead of anyone else at increasing basket size. Your click-throughs will BUY MORE at Amazon than anywhere else. Simple as that. (Not forgetting the minimum 5% commission also Numpty).
The method I am about to outline below is converting sales at Amazon for me at 21%. That is fuc*kin GINORMOUS.
This should not take you more than 1 hour per product. There are around 200 products I can think of in half a nano second off the top of my head...
Create a landing page.
Include John Lewis, Woolworths, Play.com, HMV, Toys R Us, Amazon. (Just those 6). These images must SHOUT "click here for the best Christmas deals" or some similar crap.
Right.  Pick a popular toy. Under your 6 images write 14 lines of text about the toy. Be sure to include the TOY NAME minimum 4 times. If you want, make one of these "toy names" a text link - a deep link to the toy on AMAZON.
Start PPC on the [TOY NAME] use [these]. Don't worry about a big list of keywords just bid on the [toy name] and maybe a couple of variations of said name.
Do this for 10 toys, so 10 adwords campaigns. For God's sake don't start your campaign ads until you have got the text on your landing page.
Once they are running - then if you want to maximise PROFIT spend the weekend creating an image with a picture of each product you are featuring at THE CHEAPEST supplier - ensure your image says "iggle fu*kin piggle is CHEAPEST AT "where ever"".
TIME IS NOW OF THE ESSENCE. I am making about £1.5k per day doing this from about 10 products (what with multi-buys etc) which I started running 9 weeks ago, I don't even look at the PPC because it is costing a MAXIMUM of £85 a day! What with all the other stuff we've got going I've got cash coming out of my y-fronts. Don't believe me? I really couldn't give a toss.
Stop e mailing me and JFDI. I almost had to cut my tanning session short to post this...
Thursday, 22 November 2007
My posting "style" is a mix of me and a mix of "marketing" technique to draw attention. I don't think either of those can be questioned.
It is my aim to draw attention and divide Nancy Boys from Numpties. Numpties is simply my humourous "phrase" for "newbs".
My intention has always been to help numpties. The reason for this is because it started to materialise that that is what I was doing in response to requests for help. It has now become my
hobby, just like MA likes go-karting and flower arranging.
There is no doubt that I have been very succesful in helping numpties. (remember "numpty" is my word for "newbie"). I have helped many numpties gain a sense of direction. I have given many numpties thought provoking ideas and suggestions.
Without these tips, methods and ideas (call them what you will) some of these numpties would still be where they were before I gave them them: going round in circles.
Sure the (a4u) mods are volunteers and sure they do a great job and I do respect that. Sh*t I tried to tone it down! It seems that writing in my own way, a way that is truly reflective of my character, my thoughts and my objectives, is not acceptable.
The column width crap! Give me a f**** break guys. Some geek calls it "Rich jerk Persona Whatever" cr*p. I do it BECAUSE I LIKE TO DO IT AND it's easier to read when you are posting a fair amount in one thread. Sh*t if everyone started doing it I could understand the mods and Sir Matthew flagging it up.
I have brought value to the forum. I think even one of the posts in THE thread backs me up, maybe it's even two.
It's not rocket science, if you are already fairly well established DON'T read my A4U posts. My posts are aimed at helping numpties, the stuff is basic beginners sh*t (that just happens to line my pockets with cash, and will hopefully line theirs). The guys who have a problem here are the guys who already do ok.
They are JEALLOUS of me. Simple as that.
At least I've taken out the time (and a lot of it) to F****G HELP People in a way over an above what is normal.
If getting their attention and giving them sound advice and ideas works better from the odd expletive and narrow columns who GAF?
Do I bring humour to an otherwise humourless forum? Do I help people? Do I spend 2 days a week helping people for FREE? As f**** Churchill says.....
Thursday, 1 November 2007
I've decided that over the next couple of months I'm going to give you some cool tips on money-making niches that I guess you never even thought of.
Over the weekend I was a guest at the Russia Winter Festival in London and got to brush shoulders with the likes of Ken Livingston - who just happened to be a hero of mine in the early 80's when I was a spring chicken. Anyhows...
At the "gig" I met this Russian bird called Svetlana who aside from being the 72nd best looking chick I have ever met also took an interest in what I "did". I think the new Murcielago went some ways but whatever I'm still a good looking and ultra charming SOAB.
After a while she started annoying me with lot's of questions so I thought f*** it I'll use an example that will shut her up. Bad move.
I asked her what was literally the last thing she had bought hoping it would be something stupid like a f***ing Chiwawa and I could say"ah yes, I could make money from Chiwawa's, simply shoot over to Budapest buy a shit load for £150 each, get them chipped and vaccinated, shove them on the back seat of the Murc', drive over to Switzerland and sell them to a man I know called Mario for £1500 each".
What did she say?
"A ferry ticket"
A f***** ferry ticket from Calais to Dover.
F**k, I know so much about making money from ferry tickets I sh*t my self. I spent the next 18 hours in the Piccadilly Meridien talking about how to make f**in money from ferry tickets! And some other stuff of course...
Anyhow. The point is I can make money from ANYTHING and I thought it would cut out more of your annoying emails if I give you some ideas on what to actually promote.
So I'll knock some old cr*p together that will give the really directionless ones amongst you some DIRECTION.
So here's what I'll do. When I can be bothered I'll do an article on how EASY it is to make money from selling FERRY TICKETS through affiliate links. Had you ever thought of that before? Had you f**k!
For now here's some general sh*t on the subject...
We live on a f**kin Island surrounded by water and you have NEVER thought for one second that every day THOUSANDS of people buy ferry tickets online.
This is a MASSIVE cash spewing UNDERPROMOTED niche sector. Especially organic SEO wise. Free traffic from this niche is a f**ing doddle.
P&O Ferries (TradeDoubler) pay about 4%.The average booking price from Portsmouth to Bilbao in summer is over a GRAND.
The average price from Hull to Rotterdam is over £500.
The average price from Dover to Calais in Summer will be about £200 and THIS is a VERY busy route.
Write some sh*t about the port of Dover, Portsmouth, Hull, Rotterdam, Bilbao, whatever.
Include the keywords (using my) SEO tips in the recent article. Look at the BIG keyword search volumes for "Ferry", "Cheap ferry" "ferry to france" whatever.
DON'T use generic terms like these but rather "Cheap ferry from Dover" etc. "Cheap" is the key here to getting traffic partnered with specific destinations or departure ports.
Make sure you only do [EXACT MATCH] on specific phrases if you do my minimum bid PPC stuff.
Then do the same for SeaFrance on the Dover Calais route (DGM Pro network).
Also look at Condor Ferries (also DGM). These f**kers have a monopoly on the FAST* crossings to Brittany and the Channel islands. Their prices are nothing short of bank loan material so £50 commission can be a stroll in the park. * = keyword clue.
Eurotunnel had a program last time I looked, think it's on AffiliNet. Either way we live on a f**ing island and the only way off with a car is a f**king car ferry or a stupid train.
Another p**s easy one is DFDS Seaways on TD. They do the routes to Scandinavia from Harwich and Newcastle. Look at the DFDS ROUTES and include them as keywords.
The GREAT thing about DFDS (and P&O - though not Dover - Calais) is they are the ONLY operators on those routes BUT Joe Public don't know that so they'll check these operators out then do another Search. Your page will POINT OUT that they are the ONLY operators on the given routes and "You can Click here to book NOW and SAVE!!!"
Joe Public are booking Ferry tickets NOW for summer because come Summer the prices will be double.
Think about it!
Finally, you may not be aware of this but the UK now has a significant number of Polish sausage eating EU partners living here; last I heard it was around 3 million. More than the Paddies.
If you can do stuff fast, I'd be thinking aboutsha**ing some local Polish bird and doing a site in "Polish".
About half a million of the f**kers will be crossing the channel from Dover to Calais in Summer.
Sh**ging a local Polish Bird - 25 minutes
Knocking a site together - 2 days
Potential commission - Priceless.
Add some cheap breakdown cover, sat nav, travel insurance and other links.
There you go. A brief insight into the Wonderful World of Affi Liate and the strange ways in which he makes bucket loads.
Have a nice day.
PS. Don't forget valentines and the key to conversions being GUARANTEED DELIVERY WHEN YOU WANT IT.
PPS. Those who I told to get f**ked when you asked for software testimonials, DROP me a mail. I had second thoughts and some of the users (old and new) offered to answer any of your questions...They love me...